Tristitia #1 - Bye Bye CSR – Hello Lack of Perspective

Leaving CSR

I think the biggest change for me in 2025 was “losing” my job. Although “losing” isn’t exactly the right word—hence the quotation marks. It was just time. My manager and I had already discussed in 2024 whether this was still the right place for me—especially from a psychological perspective.

My therapist had also occasionally questioned whether I was even “capable” of continuing in this work, since it was more draining than beneficial. So, in the middle of a major company transition, my manager and I set the resignation process in motion.

The First Free Morning

The day after receiving my termination notice—along with a settlement agreement that included immediate release—I woke up feeling lighter than I ever had. I got up and decided to drive to Frankfurt for breakfast.

It was a relaxed morning, free from the burdens of my CSR job and from the weight of working in a company where there was no real room to grow, while others… certain individuals could do as they pleased and even advance—albeit within very limited bounds.

Enjoying Freedom and Idleness

I really enjoyed the first period of being unemployed and devoted myself to things I hadn’t had the headspace for in months. And that was good, I think. Yet I nearly forgot how the mind works.

I hadn’t spent 14 years stuck in that job for nothing. Not because they particularly wanted to keep me, but rather—here comes the “Acedia” factor—because I didn’t have the energy or courage to seek something new. But now I was forced to.

Unemployment and Reality

It’s been about six months now. My notice period is over, and now I’m unemployed—something I never wanted to be again. The mental sluggishness I experience makes it easy to get discouraged. I don’t want one disappointment after another.

So I limit applications to positions that list the most extravagant requirements, for a minimum. For career changers in this country, it often feels like there’s no room. Even intensive further training, sometimes exceeding university-level content, has little value in the job market—even if the certificates are from reputable universities.

Small Career Goals and Obstacles

I do have small career wishes here and there. For example, working in youth services or attempting a lateral entry into HR with a focus on diversity/equality. But for the first, I’d need at least a bachelor’s in social work; for the second, one in HR management. Both usually require the corresponding high school diploma—which I don’t have. Where would I have gotten it? I grew up, generously put, in the lower-middle class. Education is expensive or assumes a theoretical intelligence that few possess.

If I wanted to pursue these trainings or degrees, the costs would easily run into the lower five figures. Impossible for me. Further training through the employment agency wouldn’t get me where I want to go.

Mental Sluggishness and Fear

And here comes the core aspect of my (mental) sluggishness again. I don’t have the energy or strength to keep searching. Whatever I look at: it’s either not what I want or comes with insane financial burdens that I cannot—honestly, do not want to—bear.

This sluggishness only increases the fear of ending up in a job one accepts just because there’s nothing else. Clinging to it for years out of fear of finding nothing else, convincing oneself to stay even under the worst conditions—and in doing so, only creating more mental problems or greater unhappiness. Do I want that again?

Advice and Reflection

So what to do? And then there are people around who give well-meaning advice, but you know yourself: “I can’t do that,” “That would be too close to me,” or “That won’t get me anywhere”—and you don’t argue, because otherwise you’d be seen as ungrateful.

What do you think? What experiences have you had with unemployment, especially if you’re also neurodivergent? Should you follow advice even if you know it won’t work, or rather pause and stay calm, even if it takes a few weeks—which might also feed the sluggishness?

External influences, even outside my immediate circle, could be very helpful.

Gerry