{"id":2549,"date":"2019-12-25T10:34:03","date_gmt":"2019-12-25T09:34:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/?p=2549"},"modified":"2026-01-04T18:55:34","modified_gmt":"2026-01-04T17:55:34","slug":"take-my-help-5-luca-18-aus-augsburg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/take-my-help-5-luca-18-aus-augsburg\/","title":{"rendered":"Take my Help #5: Luca, 18 from Augsburg - When it comes, it comes right."},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\t\t\n\n I think I\u2019ll start with an older story first. From first grade onward, I was severely bullied for eight years straight because I have a congenital genetic defect that weakens my immune system. As a result, I get sick much more often. Because of that, I had to repeat 5th and 6th grade. From the second time through 6th grade, at a grammar school, I then sought help from a psychologist. She helped me a lot and rebuilt my broken self-confidence. For 7th grade, I switched to a secondary school. I was in treatment with her for two years because I suffered from severe depression.

\n That time still runs deep in my behavior. I learned a lot from it\u2014especially about my behavior toward others and toward \u201cminorities.\u201d Since then, I defend and help anyone who needs it. Unfortunately, I also developed severe trust issues. I now fully trust exactly three people. I also trust my parents, but I\u2019ll get to that later.

\n\n This year, however, one blow followed another. I always had a place of retreat that gave me strength: our home and our animals. I don\u2019t want to go into too much detail about everything that happened, since I\u2019m already looking for a new psychologist. I\u2019ll at least say this much: I experienced a very severe breach of trust with my parents due to very bad decisions made by my father.

\n Since March, I\u2019ve been bottling up a lot, and by now I\u2019ve reached the point where I\u2019ve had several breakdowns. The last breakdown was a few weeks ago, and it showed me that I can\u2019t go on like this\u2014and I don\u2019t want to anymore. These breakdowns were caused by a trauma.

\n Every time I hear someone yelling loudly\u2014snapping, scolding, ranting\u2014I feel nothing but fear, frustration, and anger. I\u2019ve even become afraid to be around the person who caused this trauma. He was always there for me, no matter what happened, and that trust has been almost completely destroyed. Slowly, things are getting a bit better again, but because of his very severe depression, progress is really sluggish.

\n\n I\u2019ve already talked about this with two very good friends, and one of them supports me as best he can. Right now, I really only see one solution: running away and living on my own. But that\u2019s actually not a good solution for me\u2014just escape. I don\u2019t want to run away like I used to; I want to fight!

\n One positive point is that we\u2019re moving in June\/July, and hopefully he\u2019ll calm down then and everything will get better again, like it used to be. But until that happens, I honestly don\u2019t really know how to deal with all of this.

\n\n I think a lot about myself and the future. In the process, I also discovered my sexuality. I\u2019m bi, and for almost two months now I\u2019ve had a boyfriend who unfortunately lives near Hamburg. He gives me an incredible amount of strength, and I love him more for it every day. I came out to my mother two weeks ago. She didn\u2019t take it very well at first, but by now she\u2019s quite happy that I have him by my side.

\n With my father, it\u2019s a completely different story. He\u2019s largely homophobic. He does accept gay people, etc., but he doesn\u2019t want them in his immediate surroundings. And another quote from him, which I learned through my mother: \u201cMy biggest fear is if my son were gay or something like that. Then I wouldn\u2019t know how to deal with it or whether I could accept it.\u201d

\n\n By now, I\u2019ve made the decision to come out completely after the move, so that I no longer have to live behind a lie. My mother stands behind me, and I hope that my father will accept it sooner or later. He was sexually abused by a man as a child and hasn\u2019t been able to deal with homosexuals since then. Unfortunately, his behavior used to rub off on me as well, which I\u2019m ashamed of to this day. All my hope rests on the move and the future that follows. But if nothing improves after that, then I will most likely move out and possibly move in with my boyfriend. I want to live freely and openly. Never again behind a lie that I\u2019ve been maintaining for two years now. You can really say that I\u2019m very afraid of the consequences, because I don\u2019t want to stand alone. I know that I\u2019m not alone, but because of the bullying phase in my childhood, I have a great fear of being alone.

\n\n The positive thing about this time, however, is that I\u2019ve developed a passion for helping others\u2014no matter what. My only wish now is that the future gets better again and that I can be happy with my boyfriend. I just still need to find a way to get through all of this until then.

\n\n You can really say that this went in the direction of \u201cventing.\u201d I just want to thank you a lot already for reading through this. I can honestly say that your initiative is incredibly great and that I really support it! The first post\u2014which coincidentally also came from Augsburg\u2014moved me a lot, because I\u2019m going through something very similar.

\n\n Thanks again, and I wish you a very nice evening!

\n\n Kind regards, Luca\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tLuca from Augsburg<\/cite>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tBefore I get to the puppy letter, I\u2019d first like to wish all the puppies and readers of my blog, streams, or whatever else, happy holidays and a fluffy slide into the new year. Why? Because I can.<\/p>\nHello Luca,

when I received your email, my first thought was, \u201cWhat the hell kind of novel is this?\u201d I even wrote to you asking whether I should really publish this. It\u2019s pretty heavy stuff you\u2019ve written there. Then I considered splitting it into two blog posts. But I prefer to finish things properly. Paws shaken\u2014here we go.<\/p>\nI see a few parallels between the two of us. Especially the bullying topic\u2014I read that part several times, even though it was relatively short. And throughout your entire text, I was glad you wrote that you\u2019re already looking for a new psychologist. Otherwise, I would have recommended you find one.
Overall, as you yourself wrote, your text reads like venting. Still, I\u2019d like to try to give you a few pieces of advice.<\/p>\nFirst of all, I would somehow try to get your father into therapy as well. His aversion to homosexuals\u2014especially gay men\u2014is, to some extent, understandable to me. But I also think it doesn\u2019t have to stay that way. Because not all gay men are like that. But you\u2019re surely aware of that. I\u2019d still try. In the end, it can only help him.<\/p>\nThe fact that you want to help everyone, especially minorities, does you credit. However, you should be very careful not to push your own problems into the background and\/or make other people\u2019s problems your own. That happens very often in cases like this.
It also raises the question of whether this is something you should make your task right now. As you yourself wrote, you find it difficult to trust. The question, however, is whether you trust yourself enough and whether you stand 100 percent behind your own advice or offers of help.<\/p>\nSince you\u2019re very reserved with your family, it\u2019s difficult for me to give you solid advice here. In general, I\u2019m a fan of openness here as well. Talking, trying to understand, and understanding itself are important. And if that no longer works, it\u2019s always better to start going your own way\u2014even if that means beginning to live your own life, with your own apartment and your own responsibility.
The move that\u2019s coming up for you can, of course, also bring a breath of fresh air. Sometimes more openness and new perspectives. Try to use that, but don\u2019t be too forceful. Calm is strength\u2014or so I\u2019ve heard.<\/p>\nI know that letting go is difficult. But that\u2019s exactly what I advise you to do with the \u201csnapping\/yelling issue.\u201d Everyone has bad days. Even I sometimes sit here and snap around because something doesn\u2019t suit me. Maybe you\u2019re not even the target? It\u2019s not good to take this personally, to have emotional outbursts, and possibly lose control.
And not everyone will be able to take this into account subconsciously. I hope you\u2019re aware of that. You should definitely work through this with your next psychologist.<\/p>\nWhether you may have been like your father in the past doesn\u2019t matter today. You live in the now. Not in the past\u2014except, of course, for the people who may have been harmed. Perhaps you can use your new way of thinking to apologize to them? A letter, an email, or whatever can help a lot.<\/p>\nI think I\u2019ve talked enough at this point. What the future brings depends on how you build it.<\/p>\nYour Gerry<\/p>\nNote: I am not a trained psychologist or doctor. Please consult a doctor if you are experiencing physical or psychological symptoms.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ich glaube, ich fange erstmal mit einer \u00e4lteren Geschichte an. Ich wurde von der 1. Klasse an 8 Jahre am […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12541,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[172,171],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ar-tmh","category-mirus"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2549"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2549\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13904,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2549\/revisions\/13904"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12541"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}