{"id":2500,"date":"2019-11-19T12:11:35","date_gmt":"2019-11-19T11:11:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/?p=2500"},"modified":"2026-01-04T18:55:25","modified_gmt":"2026-01-04T17:55:25","slug":"take-my-help-4-f-aus-augsburg-mir-rennen-die-freunde-weg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/take-my-help-4-f-aus-augsburg-mir-rennen-die-freunde-weg\/","title":{"rendered":"Take my Help #4: F. from Augsburg - My friends are leaving me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve always had problems maintaining friendships. I\u2019m probably just too much of an oddball.

\nAt some point, people always suddenly start ignoring me, or supposedly no longer have time. For about two years now, I\u2019ve had a small clique of very dear people locally. I thought I could rely on them. After a car accident in September, I first had psychological issues and then, because of work, ended up stuck at my parents\u2019 place without a car. I could only borrow my dad\u2019s car twice a week to get to school. During that time, not a single one of my friends seriously offered, \u201cCome on, I\u2019ll pick you up\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll come visit you.\u201d

\n\nPublic transport would have been an option too, but coordinating it with appointments was hard to manage.

\n\nOn top of that, one \u201clocal\u201d buddy first disappeared completely, then reappeared, and now ignores me on all communication channels. Did I do something wrong? What is it about me that makes people disappear sooner or later? \n\n

My fianc\u00e9 claims it has to do with my being different, as well as my dyscalculia and the consequences that come with it. But I can\u2019t and don\u2019t want to believe that. Or am I just clinging to an idealized, old-fashioned notion of friendship that no longer really exists today?\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tF. from Augsburg<\/cite>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Hello my dear F.,<\/p>\nfirst of all, I want all readers to know that I already know you personally, and I want to let that fact flow into this, because it helps me analyze the situation better.<\/p>\nOver the years that I\u2019ve known you, I\u2019ve already noticed that you\u2019re not exactly an easy person. But at this point, I don\u2019t think it has anything to do with your dyscalculia. And if it does for some people, then they\u2019re idiots you shouldn\u2019t mourn. It could very well be due to your \u201cdifferentness,\u201d though\u2014and honestly, I don\u2019t really see a problem with that either.<\/p>\nHowever, there actually are traits you have that I would classify as quite difficult. You often don\u2019t think about what you say or post. I\u2019ll remind you, for example, of that one Facebook post where I first had to spell out for you how many levels on which it gave the wrong impression.<\/p>\nFor the readers: dear F. dyed his beard. While the dye was still on, he took a photo of it and shared it on Facebook. It was immediately clear to me what he was doing. Unfortunately, to some others it wasn\u2019t clear at all.<\/p>\nBack to you, F. You\u2019ve noticed yourself that people sometimes feel offended very quickly, without questioning things. From my own experience, I know that you do demand quite a lot of attention. I\u2019m the kind of person who simply doesn\u2019t reply\u2014or not immediately\u2014when I don\u2019t feel like it. But not everyone is like that. I don\u2019t know how it is with your more local friends. But if you also throw random things out there without context, it\u2019s entirely possible that people just lose interest.<\/p>\nYes, all of this sounds harsh. But over the years, I\u2019ve gotten the impression that you always view \u201cfriendship\u201d solely from your own perspective. I think it\u2019s wrong to reproach people for not spontaneously saying, \u201cHey, I\u2019ll pick you up.\u201d Especially with your (in my opinion far too overfilled) schedule, it\u2019s hard to just assume that. And if they know you as well as I do, I can understand why they don\u2019t do it. You never have time anyway.<\/p>\n\nThere are a few things where I think you need to work on yourself a bit and, above all, broaden your horizon.
Do you remember before your first visit with me, when I said, \u201cHonestly, from day X onward it doesn\u2019t really suit me\u201d? That\u2019s when I already noticed that you have difficulties with cancellations and rejection. But that\u2019s also part of friendships. Things often just don\u2019t work out. Or it simply doesn\u2019t fit into the other person\u2019s plans right now to chauffeur you around or to be there at a moment\u2019s notice.<\/p>\nYour friends aren\u2019t responsible for your car breaking down. You might not be either. But it\u2019s still not their responsibility to compensate for it. As sorry as I am to say that.<\/p>\n\nYou also need to become calmer and more thoughtful in how you communicate with others. You\u2019re a very excitable person. That\u2019s great. But it also means that after a while you can become a bit exhausting. Not everyone can handle that (as with the things mentioned above). That leads to people around you becoming quiet\u2014or even, more or less, saying goodbye.
Sometimes all it takes is one sentence. One word. Or even just one picture.<\/p>\nOne more word about your \u201clocal buddy.\u201d It sounds shitty, but\u2026 sometimes that\u2019s just how it is. Sometimes you ride the same wave for ages, and suddenly it\u2019s gone because life changes. Priorities change. Hobbies change. Sometimes you only develop an aversion to a person after years. Or here again: sometimes all it takes is one sentence. One word. Or even just one picture.
That\u2019s life, dear F. People enter our lives. People leave them. You\u2019re an incredibly kind guy. But you also have to learn that not all friendships last forever. Only the very special ones often last a lifetime. And finding those often takes many years.<\/p>\nBe patient. Let people go if they want to leave. And become calmer. You have people to whom you matter. Focus on them.<\/p>\nI think that says everything. I wish you all a wonderful time.<\/p>\n\nGerry<\/p>\n\nNote: I am not a trained psychologist or doctor. Please consult a doctor if you are experiencing physical or psychological symptoms.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ich hatte immer Probleme mit dem Halten von Freundschaften. Wahrscheinlich bin ich wohl zu sehr Sonderling. Irgendwann fangen die Leute […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12540,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[172,171],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ar-tmh","category-mirus"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2500"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13903,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2500\/revisions\/13903"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}