{"id":13562,"date":"2026-01-28T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-28T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/?p=13562"},"modified":"2026-01-23T10:56:38","modified_gmt":"2026-01-23T09:56:38","slug":"ira-1-leben-zu-dritt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/ira-1-leben-zu-dritt\/","title":{"rendered":"Ira #1 \u2013 Living as Three"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\tPreliminary note<\/span>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tTwo short remarks to avoid misunderstandings:
\nI am polyamorous and currently live with my partner and his husband.
\nThis text is about my own anger regulation and my inner reactions. It is not an accusation against the people I live with.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Arriving, but still on the inside<\/h4>

I have been living here since November. Objectively, I\u2019m not doing badly. I have security, a roof over my head, hot water, electricity. I am grateful for that. And yet I notice that arriving is not a clear-cut state. Internally, I\u2019m not really here yet.<\/p>

The three of us live in a limited space. A change for everyone, and for me at a time when my resilience is already reduced. Many things that outwardly look like normality or togetherness cost me more energy than they probably appear to.<\/p>

I have limited capacity for things like shared evenings, \u201cfamily time,\u201d or social interaction in general. Not out of rejection, but because my system can\u2019t provide that endlessly. When these capacities are used up, I need to withdraw.<\/p>

Withdrawal, guilt, and inner tension<\/h4>

What arises for me in those moments is guilt. Thoughts like maybe I should contribute more, or that my withdrawal could be misunderstood. This happens even when I actually urgently need to be alone.<\/p>

I\u2019m not good at clearly saying that I need more than a few hours of distance. Not because it would be denied to me, but because I want to avoid causing worry or putting strain on anyone. So I tend to endure things instead of addressing them early.<\/p>

The past months have been demanding overall. Moving, organization, my own issues. In phases like this, resentment builds up inside me, which I express outwardly far too rarely in time. It is then directed less at others and mostly at myself.<\/p>

Outer appearance and inner reality<\/h4>

It also becomes difficult for me when my state is assessed from the outside. I can laugh, function, hold conversations. Even with depression and complex PTSD. That says little about how I\u2019m actually doing.<\/p>

Just because I don\u2019t collapse doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m fine. And just because I live with people doesn\u2019t mean the feeling of loneliness automatically disappears.<\/p>

Especially when it comes to my own boundaries, I find diplomacy hard. The anger that arises is mostly directed inward. Against my overwhelm, my limited resilience, my head that is rarely quiet.<\/p>

A cautious outlook<\/h4>

Despite everything, I try not to judge the situation conclusively. Two months are not a long time. For any of us. This is a process.<\/p>

I hope we find ways to shape living together so that it remains sustainable for everyone. With more clarity, less interpretation, and realistic expectations. These people matter to me a great deal.<\/p>

What the new year will bring remains to be seen. I wish for space for withdrawal, for honesty, and for social togetherness where there truly is capacity for it.<\/p>

Gerry<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Vorbemerkung Zwei kurze Anmerkungen, um Missverst\u00e4ndnisse zu vermeiden: Ich empfinde polyamor und lebe derzeit mit meinem Partner und dessen Ehemann […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13540,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[156,152],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ira","category-vices"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13562"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13562\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14069,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13562\/revisions\/14069"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/g-wie-gerry.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}