In 2023, I finally dared to take the step of living my fetish openly. Virtually, in various fetish clubs, I initially found connections. But even an apparently strong man like me can be plagued by fears and depression, which makes it difficult for me to meet people in real life.
In this new world, I met many wonderful people—from Stuttgart, Frankfurt, Munich, and even Hamburg. A feeling of freedom and well-being took hold of me like never before.
On platforms like Romeo, I made my fetish visible and found people to exchange ideas with. Everything was going well until that day in August.
A horrifying insult hit me out of nowhere. My appearance was disparaged, and I was told that I had nothing to do with fetish or kinks. The threats escalated to a frightening level, with physical violence being threatened should I show up at an event.
After this message, a wave of fear washed over me. My sense of freedom vanished, security gave way to uncertainty. I felt attacked at my core and feared for my safety. To this day, I have not been able to fully process this experience.
Despite filing a report and notifying the platform, the case was dropped by the police. The officer handling it showed a great deal of effort and empathy, but nevertheless, a sense of emptiness remained.
Today I know that messages should not be overvalued. But this particular message still haunts me. It weighs heavily on me that someone who is part of the fetish scene themselves would want to deny another person that right and threaten violence simply because it does not fit their own ideas.
Click here to visit Joshua’s Instagram. (Meta’s T&Cs and Privacy Policy apply)
I have also heard this many times during my time in the fetish scene: that you yourself are not wanted because of certain aesthetic expectations, or that your fetish is too alienating for others. The story of this small light also clearly highlights a core problem within our communities.
We shout for tolerance and recognition, but are often unwilling to offer them ourselves. Isn’t that a contradiction?
Another thing that has gained significant momentum in recent years is threatening people who do not fit one’s own worldview. Often virtually. Increasingly, this is also directed at a person’s real life. This is absolutely unacceptable.
I also understand that the experience with the police was unsatisfying. Unfortunately, they cannot pursue everything, which is of course regrettable. But still:
Gerry
